Don’t you see the beauty in honesty?
I have a few unfinished posts in online purgatory. I’ll complete them at a later date. I know all the eager readers and stalkers want to know what I have been doing the past couple months.
My last few days have been different than usual. I have hardly been home. It makes me feel like a tumbling weed. There has been a lot of hanging out with my bandmate, who in turn hangs out constantly with a new group of groovy derelicts, people I should get along with — although, I tend to sabotage any relationship opportunities that come my way. Maybe I will make a connection with someone.
There has been much inner reflection. I hate that phrase: inner reflection. If I could, I would replace it with something else. Whatever best describes the process of me looking inside and finding that I am bitter, shy and fall in love too easily. I cannot help who I am. Maybe, I am self destructive. Maybe, I hate the world. Maybe, it is all an elaborate defense mechanism. I certainly think so, but I am not sure when the persona actually becomes me. God, why am I writing all this bullshit.
I offered a really drunk guy a ride home, but I think I only did it as a response to someone thinking that I was “a dick.”
Tonight, I was not in the right mood. Last night was a lot more fun.
This is all so wrong, but I think that things can change.
In more specfic, less feely terms, I did a lot of nothing today. Mostly, recovered from the party the previous night. I bought a coloring book and crashed a girls craft circle somewhere around 4 p.m. I ate a raggedy pear off a tree. I sat in a chair at someone’s house for well over two hours not knowing what to do. I finally decided to run. I covered a good portion of the student ghetto and the real ghetto. I found myself anxious and jittery all night.
My bands have each gained a bassist. There is also the addition of an autoharp player in Making Eyes.
Things come together. Other things fall apart.